I don't own an IPOD. I am not keen in turning on the radio nor watching MTV. I refuse to hear anything when I wake up. I like it quiet. I like it still. I didn't know why 'till last night.
I was late for the Praise and Worship but just in time for the message, "Loneliness". So there i sat and told myself, how appropriate Lord. Only God can humor me like that.
Then Coach blank (sorry I cant remember her name) adlibs and said, young adults usually say "Lord, mamamatay ako kung wala sya. Hindi ko kaya." with matching emote pang awards. Funny how she says that in a funny way but in reality many people do say that right? Then she said, the line "U cannot live without a person" is a lie the world wants us to inculcate in our brains so as to conceal the truth that we can do live without them. Why do the world need to lie anyway? Its the way of the world dear, it is how it is. Ponder this: How did Abraham managed to live when he was called to leave everything behind him (family, possession, society)?
The truth really is this "We can live without a person but we can't live without God."
So there I sat and listened, sang and prayed. I was happy being there.
I usually take a cab on my way to boarding house. Last night, I opt to take the not so comfy path which is to walk through Greenbelt 1 to 3 to Landmark then Glorietta then SM finally FX. But the story is not about the long walk but about the quietness I had during the time I've walked and talked with God.
It was not a quiet night. Gigs are everywhere and Makati, particularly Greenbelt is busy. There was free band at Greenbelt 4, not so free band in the Tavern(they've changed name but I cant recall) whose songs are loud enough to hear by those outside, taxi honking at Makati Ave, super loud noise from men drilling the drainage (maybe preparing for the rainy days).
Amidst all the noise my heart is quiet, my soul is still. While walking I talked to God and told Him everything. My plans, my hopes, my desires, my heartaches, my all. I said, 'Oh God give me a guwapong boyfriend now na' hehe kidding. I told Him that my heart is still in pain and asked Him to somehow make me feel better. I knew God heard me but the pain didn't subside. I guess He wants me to go through it, to experience it, the wound, the scar. And though in pain, His peace remains in my heart.
God has given me peace through it all. He has reminded me that He is in control. So I walk through the noise quietly, contradicting but true. It was such a release. I have been making myself busy, trying to fill my mind with thoughts too many, entertaining all the noise that my mind can tolerate. But then it is not how God works.
Last night, He emptied my mind from troubles then he filled my heart with love.