Remember BLESSING? My 2020 word for the year which was coined with my limited human brain thinking it would be a year of new clients, new business ventures oh well let's just say financial abundance. Then 2020 year turned out to be a surprise new baby blessing! We were all super thrilled to have Euan that year, we couldn't perceive pandemic without this cute little guy. My perceived definition of blessing is way way minuscule than the blessing God wanted me to have.
Fast forward December 2023, I was thinking would BRAVE be okay? Parang bitin? How about TAKING RISKS? Hmmm two words. That's when COURAGE came. It will encompass being brave and taking risks. Hopefully it will give me strength to face new challenges
- as I take on my new role as the finance head of our community church organization
- as I apply for the new accounting accreditation, something that I was not confident to apply before
- as I start a new project and hopefully get more clients to expectantly generate more income for me to be able to help build up funds for the kids especially for Thea
Guess what? God has a different way of making me courageous. Get some popcorn you guys...
So January 5, came, cold Tagaytay weather gave us cold/flu. I called for online consult for an RX antibiotics. The doctor said if it re occurs I need to go to see a doctor face to face. End of January I got it again and I had chills and fever, so I went to see an ENT doctor hoping he will give me meds for my throat.
The secretary ordered an endoscopy. hhhhmmm why would the secretary order an endoscopy when the doctor hasnt even seen me. But I obliged and went to the hmo office and had it approved. After 3 hours of waiting outside the clinic I went in. The doctor scolded the sec and said she shouldnt have ordered endoscopy but should have ordered something else (the procedure I can't remember anymore), the sec then said she will change the procedure. Then he examined my throat and said never mind we will just continue with it. During that time my mind was racing... something feels off but oh well let's just get over with it and go home. He then proceeded with the endoscopy. After which he told me to sit down and showed me the result.
While sitting down he said "I have bad news for you." Yan mismo walang labis walang kulang ha yan mismo verbatim ang sinabi nya. the next line di ko na sure kung verbatim pero this is how I remember it - Ano work mo? Accountant po. Expose ka ba sa chemical? Hindi po work from home po ako. May cancer ba sa pamilya? Grandparents ko po.
Mind started to accelerate dun pa lang sa I have bad news for you pero nung sinabi nya may cancer ba sa pamilya - nag stop bigla ang mundo . Pasok Mareng Moira "At tumigil ang mundo nung ako'y tinuro mo"...
He showed me my endoscopy video and explained that there was a suspicious mass in my nasopharynx. He explained that he believes that everything happens for a reason and my being there and undergoing endoscopy was pre-destined. I still couldnt believe what I was hearing but after what I went through being an autism-mom I think mas naging matapang ako to face this kind of situation. So I asked for the worst case scenario and the plan of action. Super brave face - look ma no tears!!! He said worst case Radiotherapy and surgery, he said not to go there yet but we need to do the biopsy asap. He will be out of the country 2nd week of Feb so we neeeded to do it right away as in a week after. So I said okay let's do this and asked for additional reminders - bring cash daw coz Maxicare doesnt usually cover the whole procedure, that it will be done in another clinic - the reason I can't remember coz I couldnt understand, he said I should cooperate as he doesnt want me to interupt him while he's doing the procedure. RIght there I asked if it is better if I am sedated coz during the endoscpy he kept telling me n 'dont do that - wag mo gawin yan" - and I couldnt understand what he is saying - he said I was blocking his view - take note that he was looking inside my nose how on earth can I block his view so I tried several ways of breathing through my mouth and yeah he just scolded me back because that's not the way he wanted it - eh how will I know nga!
Here's the mass found in the nasopharynx - the white mass shouldn be there. The video captured it more clearly as in andun sya when the scope went through both nostrils.
Okay comedy muna, sabi nga pala nya sabihin mo KUKU, so I said kukuuuuuuuuu yung parang sa clock, sabi nya NO NO kuku lang, sabi ko "kuku kuku kuku" yung parang ibon naman na makulit , sabi ulit nya "kuku lang" ayun gets ko na so i said "kuku" ayan ok na kami! So get's nyo na? Di nya muna kasi inexplain tapos papagalitan nya ko during the procedure!!! malay ko ba kung anong kuku ang gusto nya? hahaha. So gets nyo din ba bakit hesitant ako to do the awake endoscopy with him after he told me that I need to cooperate and do what I was told? How would I know if the inside of my nose is not blocking his view? May seminar ba nun? My eyes easily gets teary when I'm in pain so ofcourse after poking my nose, I had tears which I tried to swipe. He then said, Bakit ka gumaganyan? I said " masakit po eh" He replied " mag tissue ka!" All the while I am polite naman pero di lang siguro kami magka wave ni Doc. (Or maybe he needs communication training?) I asked if it can be done sedated just like nung I had my colonoscopy - he was hesitant and he prefers gising. Delikado daw and madami pang clearance ang kailangan to do it. So I said okay let's schedule it. Knowing I can do it - I gave birth naturally 3 times what else can I not take?
While I was preparing for biopsy - bloodworks, ultrasound etc I kept thinking of asking for a second opinion. My husband said he thinks this is not serious, he said kulangot lang yan. My sisters says it's just "maning kalbo" yung pinasok ko sa ilong ko nung bata ako - alam nyo yung expo, oo nilagay ko sa ilong ko yun, baka daw may naiwan lang ;D So to help them (us) view the situation ng medyo light - I said if worst scenario at need ng surgery papatangos ko na ng konti ilong ko and bawasan din ng konti.
I went to another doctor and she confirmed that per endoscopy - I have the copy - a biopsy is needed. Urgency is necessary. She explained that it might not be malignant but we need to check immediately. In short - Cancer at nasopharynx shouldnt be taken lightly. It is in the skull and near the brain so we need to take the mass out right away to diagnose correctly and do what needs to be done asap.
okay water and wiwi break muna kayo .... do bi do bi do ba do bi do bi do ba perry...
So yun na nga...
I am more comfortable with the new doctor. She prefers that I am sleep so she can take out all the mass, she said if I am awake , it will be very uncomfortable for me and blood will drip eventually and it will be more manageable if done sedated.
I also went to an Endocrinologist - yes madami ako pinuntahan para masure. I scheduled both the ENT and Endo not knowing that they knew each other and that they partner in doing this procedure. Oh di ba parang tinadhana. So she said, yes I have something on my thyroid but she needs the thyroid hormone re-examined coz "she says" hi precision has better machine to detect this kind of irregularity. My previous result showed high volumes for both T3 and T4 which is contradictory because it both indicates hyperthyroidism and hypo. Saturday I was able to redo the exam. I had to ask several people for prayers because I needed to book a room asap at the hospital if I get cleared biopsy will be done Tuesday morning. Sunday night I was clear and I booked a room and said I am on a waiting list.
You see the timing? It was thursday when I went to my ENT and she told me I needed the ultrasound and xray done right away so I can show it to the ENDo next day for clearance. It was Caleb's intrams day (another kwento for the Mr Intrams thing), I was going back and forth to Bulacan SPorts Complex and Sacred and Hi Precision and St Vincent Clinic. Buti nanalo Mr Intrams ko :D
Anyhoo, I got cleared by the Endo Sunday, ENT asked me to book, but there was still no room . I was like "Lord can you make this a little easy?" And He was like,"I will let you experience this so you can write a novela on your blog and tell your friends and families how awesome your God is". So Monday (day of admission) we were waiting and waiting for Sacred to call, 12pm I called and asked for the nth time - no room, by 5;30 a call came and a room opened for us!
Sacred HEart at 6:45-7:45pm I was at the admitting section and they cannot take me in because HMO hasnt confirmed yet if included and procedure. I told them I already called but they wanted to make sure. HASSLE!!! The past 8 days was busy, and it seems like everything doesnt go my way. Finally Alvin signed a waiver if HMO doesnt pay he will.
We got in the room and wala pillow!!! I was supposed to bring pillows and blanket but I thought hindi na tuloy. WHen my fone rang, I said ligo muna ko and we were rushing na after - thus I left the pillow and blanket and my jacket. So buti pinagdala kami ni Ate La ng tiny pillow as in tiny, ako I used the bag full of clothes. I said ok na ito bukas uuwi din naman tayo.
Ooooh did I mention the nurse couldnt put an IV. She tried several times and then when she finally did, the vein burst and she needed to do it again. As she went back to the nurse's station I messaged my ENT if pwede next day na ang IV. She agreed and my hand was free of needles until 6am next day.
Next day, biopsy day, I was wheeled to the OR around 7:30 for the 8am operation. Prior that my BP was 120/80. Nung nasa OR na 170 na daw!!! Sabi ni doc o Emma kinakabahan ka! Alam mo yung nakahiga ka dun, tapos may 2 malaking ilaw tapos mga machines sa paligid?
You know di ako kinakabahan eh, ewan I was really brave! Go lang sa procedure, if may makita then go. Takot ba ako - aba syempre may takot. But I needed to be strong for my kids, my husband and my family.
I got intubated and was under GA. I woke up past 9am. And a happy call from my doctor woke me up! Hi Emma gising ka na? Good news! Di kami nagbiopsy kasi wala kaming nakitang mass. I cannnot grasp the situation. I just cried and cried because I knew God took it away - the mass, my worries and fears. The head nurse told me I need to stop crying, coz they cant help crying too.
Here's the pic taken with a bigger machine in an operating room with a huge monitor to check whatever is inside our body. It is super clear! no trace of scar or mass.
What a journey no? Looking back parang ang dami daming nangyari ng 2024 and hindi pa nga tapos ang 1st quarter. I started writing this Feb 19, ano ng petsa ngayon March 7 na! So I will end this here, my God is bigger than any of my problems. He is a Father indeed. A loving Father at that, He who gave His son to us, what can He not give/do for me, for you?
May my miracle story reminds us always to put our trust in the Lord. That no matter how big the obstacle, we can rely on God's promises and grace.
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